As part of your conversations with your little kids, it’s important to plant the seed about waiting early on. You will note that I don’t say anything about sex being something “adults” do because that’s not true. Teens have sex. It’s smarter to say, “When you are older.”
“Wait To Have Sex” Script for 3 to 8 year olds:
Even though sex feels really great, sex isn’t for kids. It’s for when you are older. Kids’ bodies, hearts and minds aren’t ready for sex. We’ll have lots of conversations about this stuff so when it’s time for you, you’ll be ready.
I hope you will wait until you are…(married, in college, in a loving committed relationship) before you take this step.
“Wait To Have Sex” Script for 9+:
The reason I expect you to wait until you are older to have sex is because this is an adult decision with really big consequences. The older you are, the better decisions you will make – and the sex will be better too!
When you are in a loving, committed relationship there is a level of trust, communication and respect that makes it safer to be sexual with someone. You can easily talk about birth control, what you like, what you would do if you or your partner became pregnant.
We will talk about this a lot and you may get tired of it. It’s my job to make sure you know it all so you can make great choices and have great relationships.
What are your plans for the future? Let’s talk about how your future would change if you were to become pregnant/impregnate someone.
Expert Tips On How To Talk To Your Kids About Waiting For Sex
If they ask you how old you were when you had sex the first time, be as honest as you can. If you lie, they will eventually find out, so it’s better to find a way to talk about it. For example, if Milo ever DARES to ask me that question, I will say, “I was one month from being 17 and with a guy that I really liked. We weren’t in a relationship. If I had it to do over again, I wish that I had been in love and in a relationship with someone I trusted, like your dad. That’s what I hope for you.”
One Note of Caution:
If you were sexually abused as a child or raped your first time, do not tell your children about this. Instead, talk to them about the first time you chose to have sex. Your child needs to see you as whole and healthy and I believe sharing a traumatic event like this with them can be very upsetting. When they are older (late teens) and it seems appropriate, it’s okay to tell them the rest of the story. I know you may not agree with me about this, and that’s cool. Do what you think is right for you and your family.