Dear Pubic Hair:
Hey! It seems like it’s been forever since I’ve seen you – 15 years? Longer? It’s funny – I can’t really remember the last time I saw you. It’s seems so crazy because you were once so much a part of basic nudity and sex.
I feel bad that we haven’t really connected in so long – what happened? I keep making up these stories about how hard it is for you to stand up for yourself when some crazed razor or waxer attacks you without even considering your feelings. Do they even ask if you want to be so rudely yanked out? Are you able to fight for your right to act as a directional sign for penetration?
I have such fond (and a wee bit traumatic) memories of the splash you made in the Joy Of Sex. I had no idea people could be so hairy! It makes me laugh every time I think of all that 70‘s style bush and armpit hair and how amazed I was at those illustrations.
Now I’m amazed because kids these days never see pubic hair. Their moms are waxed down to landing strips or nothing, the women they inevitably see in porn are in the same state and teen girls are taking this lack of fur to heart, so they too, wax it all off.
I keep wondering what are girls learning when they see their moms without their god-given fur? Do they think there is something wrong with them when they start to grow their own? What kind of full body love example are moms setting when they zip this part of their bodies clean away?
Maybe the thing is that you’ve forgotten your what your purpose in life is. Have you? I haven’t. Seriously, we need you. The world needs more pubic hair. You are so amazing – colorful, soft, inviting. You make vaginas safer, penises stand prouder and put the “P” in pheromones.
Don’t people remember the fact that you are one of the biggest signs that a person’s body is no longer a kid’s body? I have no idea why anyone other than a pedophile would want to fool around with a woman who’s cooch looks like a toddler’s. I’m trying to come up with the best word ever to describe the feeling I have when I think about this and just can’t do it. “Ick” doesn’t quite do the trick.
Sweet Pubes, it would be so cool to see you make a huge come back – kind of like the hipster beards young men are sporting these days. But my guess is that until porn decides pubic hair is “in” again, women will be turning their vulvas into naked mole rats and I will have to revisit The Joy Of Sex if I want remember the good old, pube-postive days.