Whether you loved the books or hated them (or are pretending to hate them, but really loved them) 50 Shades of Grey has become unavoidable. My spouse cannot stop talking about the 50 Shades teddy bear to the point that I am a bit concerned it will make it’s way into my Valentines Day.
And, a teddy bear? Good lord, I can’t quite hold these two things in my head – a toy that’s usually for children…with S & M accoutrements.
NPR has been running ads for this and I keep imagining all you poor parents fielding excited questions from your kids such as, “A 50 Shades teddy? I want one! Can I have one? Is it gay or gray?”
If you have been under a rock for the past several years, 50 Shades Of Grey is the tall tale of a young virginal woman who falls under the sway of a handsome, super-wealthy, BDSM (Bondage Discipline Sadism Masochism) loving guy named Christian Grey. Horribly written and super-duper sexy, the movie is coming out on Feb. 13.
Here’s what to say if they ask about it, broken down by age group and assuming your kids know what sex is (and if they don’t, they should know by 5, so get on it).
Four to Seven: It’s a movie for adults about a young woman who falls in love with a man who is really different from her. People are really excited about because they loved the book it’s based on.
Eight to Ten: It’s a movie for adults about a young woman who falls in love with a man who is really different from her. The book was really popular because it has a lot of romantic and very, very adult sex stuff in it. Lots of people like to read these kinds of books because it makes them feel good.
Eleven and up: It’s a movie for adults about a young woman who falls in love with a man who is really different from her. He’s very wealthy; she’s not. He’s very experienced sexually; she’s not. The book was really popular because it has a lot of romantic and very, very adult sex stuff in it. Lots of people like to read these kinds of books because it makes them feel good.
Part of the characters’ sex life includes something called S & M. Have you ever heard of that? Sometimes people like to tie each other up or hurt each other when they have sex. I know this sounds pretty weird to you, but you are old enough to know people agree to do all kinds of things together when they have sex. This isn’t something you ever have to do and both people agree to have sex this way.
We had Wifey by Judy Blume to sneak off our parents bookshelf and have our minds blown by; our children will have 50 Shades of Grey to sneak off our bookshelves and have their minds totally exploded by. This book is explicit – and good, sexy fun, if you can stand the terrible writing, the sexist BS that goes down and what some see as rape-y behavior.
And it will give them a really good sense of what S & M is all about, so you won’t have too. 🙂