One of my pals (whom I adore) posted this question: should I let my 15 year old daughter be alone with her boyfriend in her bedroom?
And let’s just say people responded. A lot of people. And pretty much all of them said “NOOOOOOOOOOO fucking way!” and “When hell freezes over!” and the like.
This, my friends, this knee-jerk “NOOOOOOOOO” really, really, really needs to be examined. Seriously. Very. Seriously.
I get it, the very thought of your sweet and relatively innocent kid having sex makes you freak out a little bit (me too), but they really will do the deed some day. This fact of life has nothing to do with whether you let them have their BF or GF in their bedroom when they are 15.
Your. Child. Will. Have. Sex. Before you are ready, almost guaranteed. And maybe even before THEY are ready, which sucks.
Here’s what I think is going on – we project our childhood and teenager experiences onto our kids and then make decisions “as if” our kids are, well, us – teenaged us, but still us.
We “got it over with” and had sex before we were really ready; we had meh sexual experiences (and maybe still do); we sneaked around; got knocked up (or knocked someone up); had an STI; bonked too many (or not enough) people; were raped, sexually harassed or sexually abused; we weren’t able to be gay or bi or whatever…
AND we couldn’t talk to our parents about ANY of this.
Your child is not you. Your child is not being raised by your parents. Your child will make different and better choices than you in this department, especially if you make sure they are thoroughly sex educated.
And if you allow them to have sex in your home.
Yes. I just said that.
I think it is just fine for kids to have sex at home, in their room, with their partner. It is one of the safest places for them to get busy.
But there are some rules (these are ours):
1) We need to know and have met the person and have had enough interaction with them to get a sense of who they are and how they roll.
2) Birth control and/or condoms (parent provided) are required.
3) The relationship needs to be serious. We are not down for our house being used as a hook-up pad.
4) We don’t want to hear it, see it or smell it. Sex is private, so keep it that way.
Love or hate this, honestly I don’t really care.
It’s your family, your child, your values, and your choice how you handle this.
But before you scream “NOOOOOOOOOO” at the top of your lungs, do your kid a favor and really think it through. They will thank you.