Birds & Bees Talks Advice!
Question:
Hello! I’m hoping for some advice on how to talk with my daughter. She is three and has started to rub against her seat belt as we drive. I DO NOT want to shame her but also want to dialogue about privacy and having special time alone in bathroom or her room. She hasn’t started touching herself with her hands, just the belt, so it’s hard to explain it when the seat belt is what makes her feel good now. Thanks in advance!
Answer:
Hi! This is such a common thing these days! Those car seats are perfectly arranged for some serious fun. Because she’s three, rather than reasoning with her, I would try having some special car toys that she gets (rotate them) that are engaging and new.
You can offer them to her and try distracting her from the rubbing. Don’t make a big deal out of this – that’s the key to not shaming her. You can also say – “I see you are rubbing your privates/vulva. I know that feels good, but it’s something people do in private alone. I feel uncomfortable when you do that because it’s a private thing, so I’m going to ask you to stop.”
Later, tell her she is welcome to touch or rub her privates when she’s alone, in her room. She won’t truly “get” it – but if you are kind and calm, she’ll eventually get the message. Good luck!
