Unedited transcripts of my recent podcasts!
They’re a bit all over the place…but you’ll be able to skim.
Listen here:
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Holiday Boundaries for Neurodivergent Kids | Clear, Concrete Ways to Teach Consent
Welcome to the neurodivergent version of the holiday, safety and consent and boundaries for your autistic ADHD, or otherwise neurodivergent child. So listen to the first one, because it’s for the all kids one because it is just more general. So I just want to talk fruit to you about body boundaries and your neurodivergent kid and the holidays. So I know you’re in this thick of this with parenting. And as you know, or you don’t know if this is the first time listening to me, I am not neurodivergent.
Nobody in my family is neurodivergent. I don’t have a lived experience of being with a neurodivergent child, although I’m not saying he’s a child, but my spouse actually is dyslexic, and we did not know that was a neurodivergence until I started working with people like you.
Anyway, so with your kid in the holidays as you know, this can get them super riled up, either they need to go hide in a corner, or they get really crazy and hyper because they are super stimulated and overstimulated.
And so I know you know this, so they can, can they can have a couple different things happen to them that are extreme, and both can make them vulnerable. So let’s talk about the kiddo that’s bouncing off the walls because you’re at a family party. They’re just grooving on everybody. They’re having a super fun time.
There’s lots of kids. There’s lots of action. And what can happen for a kid like this is, if they are already curious about bodies, they can be more likely to try to explore another child’s body, or to jokingly slap them on the butt, or to make an inappropriate comment. So I’m telling you this because this can be something that can get your kid in trouble.
Now, one of the things I hate about your world, and what I’ve learned about neurodivergent people really, is how those kinds of moments where they’re more impulsive about exploring a body or they say something that’s not okay, is assumed to intend harm, and most of the time that is not the case.
They don’t get social cues. They get wrapped up in their crazy behavior, their fun behavior that they’re up to, and they aren’t able to stop and think through like, Oh, if I do this, I could get in trouble. So one thing to be mindful is of that, like, you know your kid, you know you know what they’ve been up to, you know who they’ve been hanging out with, and so just know that that in this overstimulated environment of a holiday party, your kid could become more impulsive, and this could be one of the things that happens.
Okay, so I’m going to talk about adults in just a second. So if you have a child that is very overwhelmed by this, who does not want to be around this stuff, who needs to have headphones and be in a quiet space, and it is basically kind of a torture for them to be in a situation like this, which I know sometimes they just need to be.
So if you have a child that has very much retreated or needs to retreat, it’s really important to make sure that they are in a space where an adult can have an eye on them. We don’t want them in a closed bedroom. We don’t want them in a place where they can be left alone, because if there is somebody who is a predator, they’re going to go find your kid. Excuse me, and because your kid has trouble. We might have trouble reading, social skills.
Their verbal skills might not be great. It’s much easier for them to be manipulated by someone. And I said this in the other one, but the strangers are not going to mess with your kid. It’s going to be someone that they know, and Kid to Kid.
Sexual abuse is really high. I keep forgetting the stat because I don’t want to know it, but it’s like 60% and so being aware of your child like and like the child that is really can’t stand this, they’re vulnerable. And then the other way your child that’s totally all over the map can be vulnerable is that somebody can see that and just take advantage of it. Like this kid’s already making jokes about boobs.
Well, I’m just going to push on them and see how far I can get them to go. Alright, so fun. I know. Happy holidays. I’m not done so with the adults in the room, they depending on who you’re with, like, if you’re with your family, it’s really important that they understand that if your kid is really overstimulated by this stuff and they’re in a poop joke phase, that that that’s what’s happening, and that you are going to keep an eye on them and remind them of the boundaries around this stuff.
I know that adults in your life don’t often believe that your child can like they think they that they can help their behavior. We all know that they can’t, necessarily. So just making sure the adults know what’s up with your kid, making sure they know that. Like, hey, you know, my kids a little more vulnerable because they’re, you know, they don’t want to be here.
So I know it seems weird, but we got them in the over here, in the over here in the closet. Just kidding. Got. Here, door open, we’re going to be checking on them. Because I think the more awareness you raise about their vulnerability, can be really good. On the other hand, if there’s somebody who’s a predator, well, on the good hand, if there’s somebody who is a predator, when you say, Oh, we’re well aware and we’re keeping an eye on they’re going to be like, Okay, I’m not going to mess with that kid.
They’re paying attention. If you’re in a circumstance with a child that is very busy and, you know, you might have a hugger, right? You might have a kid who just hugs and touches everyone. That kid is going to need to be having some having some communication about boundaries and practicing, you know, the ask personal and all that, and you need to tell the other parents like we’ve got this. We have we’re keeping an eye because we know our kids just loves to hug without asking permission, right? And then you’re going to be there. No that’s exhausting.
So this is why we have trustworthy adults who can manage your kiddo, if that’s what they’re up to, who you trust and who’s keeping an eye on all the kids, right? It takes a it takes a village. Does anybody have a better way to say that? I mean, it’s really true.
Anyway, I’m talking fast. What else I need to go meet my friend for a drink in five minutes. I think that’s it. So just be mindful that your ADHD, or your autistic kiddo, your whatever the neuro divergences that’s going on, they’re always going to be more vulnerable, and so you’re going to need to step it up in terms of just keeping an eye on them and conversations about safety and and body boundaries more so than with the neurotypical kid, which isn’t to say they’re not, you know, at risk they are.
I hope this was helpful. Let me know if you’re liking this. I think I said in the other one, I just bang these out. Who’s funny? That would be me. The other one, somebody gave me feedback and said they really like this because everything’s so fake and AI now and I’m not anyway.
Let me know if you want me to talk about something new, something else. Let me know how this is working for you. If I had said, “I’ve said something that you’re, like, Miss, not quite up to snuff with the neurodivergence.”
Holiday Boundaries for Kids | How to Teach Consent and Body Safety with Family
Hello! Welcome to Just Say This, my magical little chill podcast without the intro and no real extra, none of that fancy shit, because who has time? Welcome to my if you’re watching this is my living room, dining room. We have some very interesting things in our home. Maybe someday, I’ll show you Moley.
Anyway, I thought that you would love to have some support during the holidays, because this is one of the biggest times that kids can get into trouble and things get loosey goosey, and so it’s really important to have a little revisit with them about boundaries. And this episode is for parents of any old child.
And if you have a neurodivergent kid, listen to the next the other episode for neurodivergent kids. If you don’t have a neurodivergent kid, feel free to listen contents about the same, but there’s some definite differences. Anyway, I hope you’re liking this. Somebody told me they like it a lot because everything’s so fake now, and I’m not AI.
So how’s that feels good, alright, so let’s talk about the holidays and boundaries and consent. Okay, so first of all, the holidays, things get loosey goosey, and supervision is kind of goes by the wayside, especially like at big family gatherings, the kids are all piled up on top of each other, running around outside, what I know, run, you know, together and sometimes, unfortunately, one of the things that can happen is that kids can play doctor.
They can get involved in private parts games. And this can happen really quickly. When it happens. The kids usually know each other. They are cousins, they’re best friends, they’re good friends. They’ve hung around together a lot. They’re familiar with each other. It’s usually not just a random pair of kids and at events that are big parties and stuff that can definitely happen, but I just want you to be aware that this is a time when can shenanigans and trouble.
So let’s talk about what you should say to your kids. And there are book suggestions. And I know some of you have just heard this a million in one flip in times. So if you’re thinking, Oh, Amy, I already know all this, that’s great, so I’m glad. So just talk to your kids. Oh, can you hear the Simon and Garfunkel? Because that’s what I’m listening to. I checked another recording and couldn’t hear it, but there is. He’s doing something about America anyway. So a couple things. First of all, don’t assume your kids know the rules, because they forget.
So just remind them that it’s not okay or safe to play games with their private parts. If somebody wants to look at their privates or touch them that they need to say no and come and find you and let you know they won’t be in trouble like this is like the biggest thing ever. They won’t be in trouble. Tell them that if they’re curious about somebody else’s privates, to let you know, because you’ll find them a book or a safe place for them to learn about that also remind them that older kids don’t play games with private parts with younger kids.
Every older kid knows that remind them that sometimes people might be mean and try and make them do stuff. And if that’s the case, it’s never their fault. And again, they should tell you. And while I’m telling you this, you need to be, I’m telling you this, you this, you need to remind that. I’m going to remind you that you need to be really calm and chill. One of the best ways to have these conversations is to watch an amazing video or to read a book with them, to kind of take some pressure off you.
What else do you want to know? Oh, okay, so the other adults, so don’t let people just fucking hug and touch your kids, because that’s not fair. They lose agency. Can you imagine if you came over to my house and I was like, hey, Kerry. Hey, you need to hug Kerry. Kerry wants a hug. Have a hug with Kerry.. That’s my husband, BTW.
If you don’t know who that is, I would never do that. So why the hell would you force your kid to hug or touch another person? So you need to institute the ask first rule, and you need to tell all the grown ups around you that you’re if you’ve been a huggy family, that that’s going away, that now you know, you can just say the kids are old enough now that they need to practice agency whatever it takes, because grandparents sometimes get a little weird, and also people who see themselves as safe adults, they say, Well, I would. I’m not. I’m not going to hurt your child.
And it’s like, yeah, you’re not going to. But if we’re training them that they don’t have the they can’t say, no, then some fucker is going to maybe hurt them. So any who’s so making it clear that your kid does not have to hug anybody or kiss anybody if they don’t want to doing some role play practice with them where they get to say no, like when you say, Hey, can I have a hug?
And you gotta be going in for the hug. Like you can’t see me, some of you, but I’m like, Okay, going in for the hug. Look, practice that with them so they feel they can see what it feels like to say no and what it feels like to say yes. So you need to do that, and then you need to get in between the adults that are trying to do this with your kid, and just say, Hey, we’re working on body boundaries. So you know, feel free to ask, and you know they may say no. So there’s that.
What else? Oh, during these lovely holiday parties and things, there should be one adult assigned to keep an eye on the kids, and it’s on a timer, so they only have to do 15 minutes at a time. Cocktail in hand is fine. Just keeping track of who’s where and what’s happening lessens the opportunity for all kinds of trouble, right? Sneaking the booze, I know you never did that when you were a child or a teenager at a holiday party, just for example.
So just be mindful that somebody needs to be in charge and just take turns. And if somebody thinks this is a dumb idea, then they don’t get to the adult. They don’t they’re not included, like it’s the adults responsibility to keep every child safe. Okay, trying to think if there’s anything else I can tell you, Oh, don’t be a freak show.
Do not be a freak show. So don’t pull this shit with your kids, where you’re like and if anyone tries to hug or touch you, you need to say, No, be calm, be chill, because when you act like that, if somebody does mess with your kid, they’re not going to go to you because you’re already totally freaked out.
I can’t not to shame anybody, but I have lots of parents over the years who have said my child didn’t tell me, or I got really freaked out, and then my kid didn’t tell me because I’d been pushing so hard on the consent thing.
Which leads me to one last thing, if you were sexually abused as a child or experienced some kind of assault as a child, it’s going to make you more reactive if there’s an incident, so just be mindful of that. And if you haven’t had therapy, there’s tons and tons of resources. Rain RAINN.org, is terrific, and not to end on a downer, but because the holidays can be super fun and super crazy, and I hope you have a great time and just be mindful that’s all so happy holiday time.
I hope you have fun stuff planned, and I hope our government situation, just in terms of people being able to, I don’t know, eat or get affordable health insurance. But hey, vote, and if you are Trumpster supporting person, please unsubscribe from everything of mine.
