How Do I explain all the different Ways to Have Sex To my 8-Year-Old-Daughter
Hi Amy!
I really want to make sure when having any sex chats with my kids that they understand that there are other ways to have sex. I have two daughters, five and eight, and they have a transgender cousin. We have openly talked about what this means with them and since my nephew has just recently started transitioning they are very aware of the changes he is going through.
The eight-year-old has A LOT of questions about the whole process. So… I want to make sure we explain sex in a way that’s not heteronormative and that doesn’t totally overwhelm them either. Thoughts?
Thanks!
~ Motivated Mama
A Simple Way To Explain Different Types of Sex To Kids
Hey Motivated Mama!
I can’t tell you how much I love that you are being so thoughtful and careful talking to your girls about their transgender cousin and, ultimately, sexuality in general. After you share the heteronormative, penis-in-vagina/baby-making info, the time to talk in more detail about different ways to be sexual with someone is around age nine and your daughter is pretty much there.
Yes, I said nine.
The main message kids get from the world is that sex feels good and everybody does it. This can be a little confusing if the only message they get from their parents is that sex is for making babies. As I know you know, you really, really want to be the first to share the good news about all the fun things that people can do in the bedroom because you can be clear about your values about who, what, where and when.
Introduce the idea of sex for fun this way
Tell your daughter:
There are lots of different ways to be sexual with someone – touching, kissing and even touching each other’s privates. It doesn’t always take a penis in a vagina to be sexual with someone.
Most of the time people have sex or make love because it feels good to their grownup bodies and they want to be close and share this amazing thing together.
Be sure to clearly tell them:
Sex and sexual stuff is not for kids. It’s for later in life when your heart, mind and body is ready for a big thing like this.
As they get older and have more questions and want and need more information, these building blocks will help them to understand the big, wide world of sexual behaviors.
You’ve got this!
~ Amy
