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November 3, 2015 by Amy Lang, The Queen of the Birds & Bees

Funny Birds + Bees Stories

The Funny Things Children Say About Sex

I’ve been at this a long time – 10 years! And parents tell me the funniest things their kids say about sex and bodies. Here are a few good ones to get you through the start of school.

I was thinking of you two weekends ago when I was driving with my 6 year old, William and he said, “Mommy, I need to know about sex. I want to make sure I understand so I will know how to do it when I grow up.”

We had our talk, your book really helped, btw. We spoke about all things an almost 7 year old needs to know and then some.

My favorite part, and you have to think in a little boy voice, was when he summarized by saying, “So the sperm SHOOOOOTS (ker-pow!) out of the penis and the swimming guys attack the egg (ahhhh, get out of my way, get out of my way!) trying to be the first in line to make the baby, right?”

I told him he got the first-grader version and that we would need to talk again either when he had more questions or was older – that there were other more detailed versions in store for him, lol.

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I run into my 10 year old daughter’s room when I’m on my way to the shower (yes, I’m naked), I ask her a quick question and get her response and she says,”Okay. . .can you leave now because this IS NOT a pretty sight!”

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My five year old daughter was going to the bathroom and all her friends where there. The hostess checked on them and my daughter said, “I’m fine! This is Vaginatown!”

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6 year old boy: “You know the other thing I hate about having a penis is that it’s never in the right place at the right time.”

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11 year old girl to her father regarding sex: “But it’s so squishy in there, how can you stand it?!”

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“It’s not a weiner – it’s a dick!” One 2nd grade boy to another.

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8 year old boy: “I know the ‘F’ word.”

Mom: “What?”

Boy: “Can I say it?”

Mom: “Sure.”

Boy: “Fugina.”

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And one of my all-time favorites:

2.5 year old boy to his mother: “Mommy do you have a penis? Oh, I know! You have a brain!”

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Do you have any great sex-talking stories? I’d love to hear them! Feel free to email me back, tell your tale and let me know if it’s okay for me to use them in my upcoming book. 😉 Thanks!

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Filed Under: Parenting Tips

Amy Lang, Sex Education Expert

"I'm on a mission to help every kid grow up to be a whole and healthy adult! I do this by helping parents just like you learn how to have open and effective talks about sexuality, love and relationships. "

-Amy Lang, MA

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