How do I Explain Gender Identity To A Preschooler?
Hi Amy! My friend’s five-year-old daughter just asked me if my kid is a boy or a girl and we are not sure how to respond. My 12-year-old identifies as non-binary and gender fluid – sometimes feminine, sometimes masculine, sometimes both, sometimes neither – always a kid.
Any thoughts?
Thanks!
~ Mama of a Gender Fluid Kiddo
How to Help Preschoolers Understand Gender Identity
Hey Mama of a Gender Fluid Kiddo!
It is really easy to address gender identity being non-binary or gender fluid with young kids.
The wonderful thing about five-year-olds is that they are still working out what gender is and what it means to them.
Here’s what you can say to get her immediate questions answered:
Sometimes Aden looks like a boy and sometimes Aden looks like a girl. Some people feel like they are both a boy and a girl at the same time. That’s our Aden and it’s called being gender fluid.
When she asks “Why?” say (and I’m not kidding) “Cuz that’s the way Aden is!” And leave it at that. You can also ask her how she feels – like a boy, a girl or both or neither.
Five is a great age to talk about this. They are super open and non-judgmental, unlike lots of adults, who have a very hard time wrapping their minds around being a gender that isn’t straight up boy or girl; man or woman. The only other option is to be transgender and even that is a stretch for most folks.
RED: A Crayon’s Story is a great book that will help kids understand this.
And for the adults in your life who struggle with this, I’d recommend the book Pink Brain Blue Brain and this little marvel, The Genderbread Person.
You’ve got this!
~ Amy
