Beginner
Sometimes people look at videos of people having sex. This is called porn or pornography, and it is definitely not for kids. Your heart and mind aren’t ready to see this kind of thing because kids aren’t ready for sex. It can be scary and confusing.
The rule in our family is that if you see this, you need to stop looking and then tell me or one of your safe adults. Same rule if someone tries to show it to you—stop looking and tell an adult. You won’t be in trouble. *
Intermediate
I’ve tried to make the time you spend online safe and that’s why we have rules about websites you can visit and how much time you can spend online. There’s some creepy stuff out there that isn’t safe for kids to see or learn about, including sexual stuff, like porn.
I have parental controls and monitoring software on our devices so I know you’re as safe as can be online. It’s my/our job to make sure you’re safe no matter where you go, even online. If you go to a site that I/we think is questionable, we’ll have a conversation about it and there might be some consequences.
Because kids are curious about sex and the Internet is our go-to for information, it might be tempting to search for or look at sexual stuff online. Most of the time, kids will Google something innocent and find something sexual. If this happens to you, please let us know.
Advanced
As kids get older, they have more and more interest in sex. This is totally natural and normal. Sometimes they look at porn on the Internet because they’re curious or find it exciting. Porn is not real sex—it’s someone’s fantasy about what sex could be like.
It’s illegal for people under the age of eighteen to look at porn. It’s definitely not for kids because of this and because it can be really confusing. You’re not old enough to process what you’re seeing, and it can actually be damaging to you to see porn.
As you know, the rule in our family is that porn is off limits. I want you to know you can tell me if you’ve looked at porn. I won’t be mad, but there might be some consequences. Let’s think of them together so we both know what to expect.
You can always tell me if you see porn or someone shows you porn. It happens to kids all the time. I want you to feel okay telling me about this kind of thing so we can get you help if you need it and so I can answer any questions you might have. People do some very crazy-seeming things in porn.
What could you do if you saw something like this on the Internet? Who could you tell? You won’t be in trouble if this happens to you, so you need to be sure to tell me.
You MUST use monitoring and filtering on all your kid’s devices. BARK is great if you are in the US and Qustodio is the way to go outside the US. https://www.qustodio.com/en/
*I could write a tome here about why your child shouldn’t get in trouble if they see porn, but I’ll just leave you with this: most of the time, initial porn exposure happens accidentally. If you punish your child for this, or for being curious and Googling “boobs” (don’t, you can’t un-see things), you run the risk of alienating them. And if you haven’t installed parental controls or monitoring software on all their devices, the person who should be in trouble is you. I’m serious. Google “big penis” and see just how big a penis can be and imagine you are 7-years-old.
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