Tell them you used a donor as soon as possible
When an individual or couple needs to have an egg or sperm donated to the baby-making event, I think it’s important for the child to know this part of their story as soon as possible. The reason I believe this is because I think every child has the right to fully know who he or she is and they deserve to know whether they share full genetic material with you.
Imagine how you would feel if you found out that you were adopted when you were 10 or 12. It would be shocking, confusing and probably piss you off. This is along the same lines. Your child should have “always known” you received the amazing gift of sperm or egg donation.
What to say about your donor
Sperm donor
A man that gives his sperm to a person or couple so they can become pregnant is called the “sperm donor” or the “donor.”
Egg donor
A woman that gives her egg to a person or couple so they can become pregnant is called the “egg donor” or the “donor.”
If you had fertility issues. . .
We had trouble getting pregnant the usual way because your dad didn’t make enough sperm (or whatever the issue is). We went to a place called a sperm bank where men can give their sperm to help families like ours have babies. We got to pick the donor and we used his sperm to make YOU!
We had trouble getting pregnant the usual way because your mom didn’t make enough eggs (or whatever the issue is). We found a woman who gave us some of her eggs to help families like ours have babies. We got to pick the donor and we used her egg to make YOU!
If you were in a same-sex relationship. . .
We wanted to have a baby and because we are a two mom/dad family, we needed to get some sperm/eggs so we could make a baby!
Our friend donated their sperm/eggs to us so we could have you!
Or..
We went to a place called a sperm bank where men can give their sperm to help families like ours have babies. We got to pick the donor and we used his sperm to make YOU!
We found a woman who gave us some of her eggs to help families like ours have babies. We got to pick the donor and we used her egg to make YOU!
If you were single. . .
I wanted to have a baby and because I am single, I needed to get some sperm/eggs so I could make a baby!
I went to a place called a sperm bank where men can give their sperm to help families like ours have babies. I got to pick the donor and I used his sperm to make YOU!
I found a woman who gave us some of her eggs to help families like ours have babies. I got to pick the donor and I used her egg to make YOU!
These scripts are intended to get you started thinking about how you want to address this issue. And if you’ve already been there, done that, share your story!
