You probably noticed that “stranger danger” is in quotation marks. This is because it turns out that the chance that your child or any child will be abducted by a stranger is about one in a gazillion. In the United States, there are about 115 “stereotypical kidnappings” (meaning committed by strangers) every year and there are about 261,000 family and/or acquaintance abductions every year.1 In 2014, there were about 74 million children in the United States.2
Do. The. Math. Your child will not be kidnapped or molested by a stranger! If it happens, it will be by someone they know! I’m sure I need not point out that this is much, much worse on multiple levels.
The best policy regarding so-called “stranger danger” is to never, ever say these words to your children. If you teach them who to look for when they’re lost or need help and to trust their gut if someone feels “off” or scary to them, they’ll be much safer as they grow up.
Beginner
The rule in our family is that you always need to check with me before you go anywhere with anyone, even someone we know, love and trust.
If you get lost or separated from me, you can ask a mom (or dad) with kids for help. Grandmothers are also great to ask for help. Please stay right where you are and don’t go anywhere. This way we’ll be able to find each other quickly.
Adults do not need kids’ help. If an adult asks you to help them find their lost puppy or for directions, tell them to ask an adult. Sometimes people will try to trick kids into breaking safety rules. You can say no to any adult or older kid at any time, even if you think you’ll get in trouble.
If anyone ever gives you a creepy, “uh-oh” or uncomfortable feeling, you can walk away and find an adult who feels safe to you, like a mom with kids.
Intermediate
Remember that the rule in our family is that you always need to check with me before you go anywhere with anyone, even someone we know, love and trust. You’re getting older now and have a lot more freedom, so it’s important that you follow our rules so you can show me you’re safe when you’re out and about.
If an adult or older kid asks you for directions, to help them find their lost dog or cat or for any other help, tell them to ask someone else. Sometimes people will try to trick kids into breaking safety rules. You can say no to any adult or older kid at any time, even if you think you’ll get in trouble.
If anyone ever gives you a creepy, “uh-oh” or uncomfortable feeling, walk away and find an adult who feels safe to you, like a mom or a dad with kids. If you see a person in a uniform, like a police officer, it’s safe to talk to them, too.
Advanced
Sometimes, kids will meet someone and decide right away that this new person is a new friend. The thing to remember is that just because you meet someone once (or twice), it doesn’t mean they’re now your friend like your friend _______________. Friendships take time to build.
If you meet someone new at the mall or at an event and they’re in high school and seem really into you, they may not be a safe person for you to be around. Teenagers almost never hang out with younger kids for fun. Some people use older teenagers and young adults to get younger teens and even kids to do sexual stuff for money. That’s called sex trafficking or prostitution and it’s illegal.
If you meet someone like that, he or she might be an unsafe person for you to interact with and you should tell me or one of your safe adults if this happens to you or to one of your friends.*
*If you are up to the challenge, I would tell your kids’ besties that they can always tell you anything and you will make sure they get help if they need it. It takes village, right?
1 – https://www.kidguard.com/prevent-child-abduction-kidnapping-and-missing-children/what-you-should-know-about-child-abductions/
2 – https://www.childtrends.org/indicators/number-of-children/
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