It’s developmentally typical for kids test out potty talk, swearing and to talk about sex and sexual stuff with their peers. Some families have a “say anything” zone in the car. This allows kids to say anything they want without getting in trouble. It’s a great way to eavesdrop and find out what’s on their minds when you have this zone in your car. We also told Milo he can say anything he wants, as long as he doesn’t swear or use inappropriate language in front of other adults or little kids. So far, so good.
Beginner
The rule in our family is you can talk like that with your friends, but you need to be away from adults and little kids, like in the bathroom or your bedroom.*
Intermediate
You are old enough to know that kind of talk isn’t okay. Other people feel uncomfortable when they hear that language, especially from a kid, so you need to be very careful about where and when you talk like that or about that stuff.
I really don’t want to hear that kind of talk, so you are welcome to take it outside, where I can’t hear you. It’s fine if you swear or use that kind of language, but don’t do it at school, in front of other adults or little kids. You can get in trouble.
Advanced
I overheard you all talking about XX in the car this afternoon. What do you know about that? What do you think it means? You can talk to me about it, you won’t get in trouble and I am happy to talk to you about any kind of sexual thing.
*My theory is that if you make swearing and potty talk taboo, they are way more likely to do it a lot and drive you bonkers with it. If you give them guidelines and permission, they can feel “grown up” by swearing or have a hilarious time making fart jokes and not offend anyone. And you seem cool, which is always important in parenting.
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