Unedited Transcripts of my recent podcast!
- All Kids Episode – How to Talk About Masturbation Without Being Too Weird
- ND Kids Episode – Masturbation and ND Kids | What’s Normal and What to Say
Watch here:
Masturbation and Neurodivergent Kids | What’s Normal and What to Say
Hello, and welcome to my test drive of doing a super casual podcast and YouTube video about talking with your neurodivergent kiddo about sexuality. So I’m going to be doing a variety of different topics, and today I’m going to talk about masturbation. With neurodivergent kids, this can often be something that is really hard to redirect, and it’s important that you are really calm with them if they are masturbating in public, and that you have some really simple scripts to help them with that.
But before I give you that, I just want to talk about how healthy and normal and common it is for human beings. Did I say comet? It is common for human beings to masturbate, to touch their penis or their clitoris for pleasure. So that’s a fine thing in my world, and you do need to let your kids know that this is totally normal.
It’s okay to do it. Say very clearly that they need to do this when they’re in private and alone. Some kids, when you say you can get in trouble if you do this in public, especially with older kids, that can resonate with them.
If they are using this to stim, so they’re in their classroom and they’re touching their privates, they’re rubbing their crotch, this is something that you need to coach their teachers on, like from what I understand, like from every other goddamn thing with your neurodivergent kid and the school system. You need to talk with them and say, Hey, this is what’s happening. This is how we’re handling it at home.
And can you please be careful and kind and not shame our child or call them out, right? Nobody wants to be called out for something that is socially inappropriate. And you know that I am not neurodivergent in my family. Well, Kerry has dyslexia, so different kind of neurodivergence happening in my house, and he’s grown, right? So I feel like I’m all over the map.
So I’m just going to kind of rewind here. Oh, did I mention casual? Anyway, so being clear with your kids that this is what this is, and these are the times and places it’s okay to do this. And then being really kind as you redirect if you need to redirect.
Most kids understand public and private by the time they are six or seven. If your child is developmentally behind and socially and emotionally, it might take a few more redirections for them. Oftentimes, neurodivergent kids are like, I don’t care if people are uncomfortable.
You do need to help them with that. I know you already have scripts about that, and you are capable of helping your child understand that I’m assuming this. When your child is masturbating and they’re using it to stim, this can be hard on them.
It can cause some pain. It can be uncomfortable. So a few things you can do is keep an eye on them.
You know their patterns. You know how they roll. So if your child is heading down the stimming by wanking path, get in between them and what they’re doing.
Sometimes, I know this might feel weird, if they’re attention seeking, just say, hey, I need a hug. Because one of the ways that the masturbation thing can be a problem is if you get big and like, I told you to stop doing that. You need to stop.
They’re getting a lot of attention from you and children love to get us riled up for some reason. So be really mindful of that. So if you’ve been really intense about it, they may do it more frequently to get your attention.
And again, I know this sounds weird, but if you see them heading that direction, you can say, hey, you know what, I need a hug or a high five or how about this and do a big distraction. Sometimes people give their kids something that’s tactile, like a piece of fur or something that feels really good as an alternative. I’ve had folks tell me that having something in their child’s pocket so they can have their hand down there might look like they’re doing something, but it’s just another way to get that energy, that stim energy out.
So I’m trying to think if there’s anything else to tell you. If you have ideas, please let me know. Feel free to email me.
This is something that’s really common and can be complicated to redirect. And again, be mindful that shaming, yelling is not good for them. I know your lives are complicated and hard and I know your kid may do a bunch of stuff that’s very, I was going to say annoying, and maybe a problem for you, but when it comes to sexuality and their sexual behaviors, especially with a person who’s neurodivergent, it’s important to be kind and supportive because they need you.
Your kid is more vulnerable than a neurotypical child and this is one of the places where you can help them have some boundaries and you can be kind and calm and you can do your freak out on your own time. So there you go. Again, I love feedback.
So two things. If you’re liking this really casual thing, I mean, I’m wearing a t-shirt that has a big swear word on it and you might have heard my dryer go off and maybe my phone vibrate. So if you’re liking this, it’s working for you, let me know.
And then also if you have other ideas about managing the stimming and the masturbating, that would be super cool to know. Okay, on my website, birdsandbeesandkids.com, there’s a whole bunch of stuff for parents of neurodivergent kids. Y’all need help and there’s, near as I can tell, there’s nothing out there really that’s good except for me.
So tootin’ my own horn. All right, let me know what you need. Amy at birdsandbeesandkids.com and thank you for hanging out with me.
I appreciate it.
How to Talk to Kids about Masturbation Without Being Too Weird
Hey, welcome back and welcome back to my experiment of test-driving these super casual podcast episodes. And then also you can watch this on YouTube, which is linked, down below there in the show notes. Anyway, I just wanted to try something different, something really casual.
Everybody’s busy. I’m busy. I’m tired of writing stuff.
I’ve been doing it for a long fucking time. And so today we’re going to be talking about masturbation, the wonders of wanking, as I like to think about it. This is something pretty much every human being does.
It’s something that lots of people figure out when they’re really young, that it just feels good to touch their penis or their clitoris. So we expect to see this in young kids because it feels good. They don’t have any boundaries.
It’s really predictable usually with younger people because they do it when they’re stressed out. They do it when they’re tired. And if your young kid is doing this completely normal, we’ll talk about some, you know, boundaries around it.
And for your older kids, it’s so important to talk with them about it and let them know that it is totally fine for them to explore their own body, to touch their penises, to touch their clitorises. And you need to use the M word. You need to say, this is called masturbation.
Lots of people do it. It’s not something you have to do. It’s something that people do in private.
And if you want to do it, totally fine, but you need to do it in private when you’re alone, not in public because people feel uncomfortable, which is true, right? We do not want to see anybody getting busy with their self, their own selves in public. Really clear, really simple. You do need to make it really clear to them that it’s like, you know, not everybody does this and it’s not required.
With your older kids, it is totally fine to say, this is masturbation, something people do and tell them that this is something people do together when they are having sex or doing something sexual. Talk about how it’s safe sex. It’s really hard to get pregnant when somebody’s jerking off over here and somebody else is, whatever it’s called for women, not jerking off.
I just like wanking because it sounds funny and it’s basically, it’s British. Anyway, so make it clear. It’s okay.
Be very careful about shaming them, especially if they forget and they’re watching TV and the hand goes down the pants. Just really gentle reminder like, hey, totally fine, but you need to be in private, you know, in private and alone. So that’s your little masturbation talk.
Also, things are very stressful right now on multiple, multiple levels and wanking is a really great, stressfully, really for you. So I hope you’re taking that to heart and maybe being in private and taking care of your own business. And again, don’t let your kids think this is something shameful.
And if you came from some kind of fucked situation where that was the message, just encourage you to work on that. You know, there’s so much shame associated with sexuality. We don’t want our kids to feel that way.
So just be mindful of your tone, mindful of how you’re talking about it. And you know, if this freaks you out, my oftentimes, well, my whole thing is like, do you freak out on your own time and be kind and supportive of your children. All right.
That’s it. Short, sweet, like this. And if you enjoyed this, please let me know.
You can email me at birdsandbeesandkids.com. And then if you just want more help, need more information, head on over to my website, birdsandbeesandkids.com. All right. Thanks so much again. Let me know how it’s going.
I really, really want to hear from you.
Transcribed by TurboScribe.ai
