How to talk to kids about sexual slang!

Wondering how and when to talk to your kids about naughty slang? I’ve got ya!

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Barely edited transcript: 

Hi, Amy, birds and bees and kids, and my little funky Just Say This podcast. As you may have noticed this is super casual.

I skipped all that music and shit because you just fast-forwarded over it. Anyway, if you’re not familiar with me, I’m a sexuality educator. I work only with parents and folks who work with kids.

And my current area of specialty is working with parents of autistic, ADHD ,neurodivergent parents. Um, I usually do two episodes, but I’m doing this as a combo because everybody needs this information. Anyway, I thought I’d talk about slang, naughty slang, because your kids are going to hear it.

I think it’s important that you are ready, willing, and able to explain slang for private body parts, I’m going to do sex acts, and then anything else that pops into my head. Um, and so let’s begin at the beginning. Your kids need to know the correct terms for all of their private body parts.

They need to know vulva, vagina, clitoris, labia, blah, blah, blah. They need to know penis, foreskin, head, you know, all the parts, right? Um, so if you haven’t done that, please do that. It’s protective.

When kids know the correct names for their private body parts, it actually keeps them safer from sexual abuse. It indicates to a potential predator that some adult has been communicating with them. Um, so that’s, that’s stage one.

Stage two, they need to know about sex and sex for pleasure. They need to understand that people, um, that’s the main reason they have sex, that people have penis and vagina sex. They have sex with the same gender, opposite gender, like all the different ways people come together sexually.

You’re not the Wikipedia of sex for your children, but they need to just understand some of how and why people have sex. Um, which means you need to talk about oral sex and anal sex. Now, just so you know, we don’t start there.

And I am much happier with your kid, not knowing about that until they’re 10 or 11. Uh, if you have a neurodivergent child, it gets tricky because if you have a 12-year-old who operates more like a 10-year-old and they’re hanging out with their peers, they’re definitely going to hear this stuff and more. And so you will need to make sure they have more information, um, than, than you would typically, but here’s the deal.

The info coming from you, it’s safe. You’re going to be accurate. Um, yeah, they might be grossed out, which we’re all good with that.

Until they’re, you know, old enough to not be grossed out. Um, but they may be grossed out forever. Uh, so, um, just need to be like, be a little ahead of things.

And again, it doesn’t hurt a child to have this information sooner rather than later. Um, you do need to say, “Hey, people get adults get really weird when they know kids know this language. And so just want to let you know that you could get in trouble, not with us if you forget, but just maybe keep this to yourself.”

And then, you know, you cross your fingers, right? Cause some of you can’t see me. Okay. So here, um, here is the deal.

I thought I’d start with, I had to Google cause I could only come up with like three things that were relevant. Um, so I’m going to start with slang for a vagina, vulva area. And, um, you don’t need to like explain why they’re use these terms.

You can, you know, some of them are kind of obvious. Most of them are not. Uh, that’s the way of slang.

I would also tell them like, don’t, you know, don’t Google this. And then if you are just thinking that your child would never Google this kind of thing, and you’re not using any kind of parental controls like Bark, please do.

So here are the things that I remembered were pussy, right? They need to know what that is. That’s slaying, um, cooch snatch, beaver clam forgot about that one. So those are all slaying for vulva and vagina.

And also the, um, also cunt. Now I am not an advocate of that word. It gets used, um, in British slang a lot.

And it just pisses me off to refer to someone as that. Um, like anyway, men and women, women. So those are kind of the naughty slang, right? Those are the, the adult like slang for that part of the body.

I’m sure if you don’t put them in the, you know, the little chatty area down there, YouTubers, because I’ll get, I might get axed anyway. Um, and so the other thing too, is like, you don’t wait for them to ask you questions. Like you can say, Hey, have you ever heard any slang for like vagina or vulva? And they’ll be like, maybe no.

And then if it doesn’t matter what they say, so just say, you know what, you’re old enough. Now I’m going to give you these words because you need to know what they mean, what they’re referring to. Um, you might not dole them all out at once.

You just might pick a couple and then talk about it later on to kind of get the words out. Um, because the reason they need to know is when they’re with their peers, when they’re porn exposed, it gives them some context. Oh, cooch.

Oh, that refers to a person’s vagina or vulva. And that’s just really not okay to talk like that about somebody about that part of the body. Okay.

Oh my God. So you know how you Google these things. The last one is not something I don’t think I’ve ever heard.

It is hilarious. And you do not need to share this unless it is you’re like, okay, and get this crazy town. Um, you would have to explain it.

I’m thinking so, you know, cock prick, Dick dong, schlong, pecker, um, you know, pecker and Dick are pretty kid friendly. Uh, we don’t prick and cock and no, not good. Um, and dong and schlong, like, I feel like these are the layers of okayness.

So they need to know those. And then the last one that I, I won’t explain it to you, but I’m going to let you figure it out yourself is purple-headed yogurt slinger, purple-headed yogurt slinger. Nice.

Um, again, just take a moment and you can meditate on this or just totally not. Um, so getting the, getting those out of the way, two thumbs up. Okay.

Sex acts time. With penis and vagina sex, it’s pretty simple –  you know, there’s humping, screwing, bonking, um, doing it. Uh, like, you know, we can probably come up with those standard phrases yourself.

So this is some of the slang for that. Oh, fucking, um, we’ll put an asterisk and fucking I’ll deal with that in a minute. Um, oral sex, they got to know what it is.

So you might have to explain what oral sex is and then give the slang. Um, or you might overhear kids talking and you hear about BJs or giving head or something like that, then you’re going to need to initiate, um, uh, and explain that. Uh, so the oral sex conversation ideally has happened before you throw in the slang.

Generally speaking, you kind of do it at the same time. So oral sex is when, and people this, I’m just going to script you up here. Oh, my sex talks with tweens book.

It’s all sex. It’s, it’s all scripts. Um, anyway, so oral sex is when one person puts their mouth on another person’s clitoris vulva, or the penis.

It’s called oral because it’s the mouth going on the private parts. Uh, this is something people agree to do. It can feel really good.

It’s not, it’s not for kids. And if your kid’s a little bit older, you can talk about how when people are in a relationship with someone who’s the same gender, same sex, um, oral sex is a big part of their sexual relationship, but pretty much anybody who has sex does or has oral sex. That’s a, like a little higher level.

Then you say, um, that’s the technical, you know, that’s how we describe that. The technical word is fellatio. And you gotta say that, but nobody talks about fellatio except for, you know, people like me.

And I don’t know who uses the word fellatio anymore. Um, and then you give them slang and you can say when oral sex is done on a person with a penis, it’s called giving head a blow job. Um, it’s called sucking someone off.

It’s called, um, sucking, you know, cock sucking, um, any slang you can come up with. And like I said before, you might just want to do the top ones like giving head,  blow job. That’s probably the top two and you might want to fill in the other ones later.

So with a vulva or a vagina, um, usually people say they went down on her. Um, and I can’t come up with anything else like that about that in the moment. What else is there going down on someone? I can’t remember, but I believe in you.

You can come up with some others. Sorry. I’m not perfect at this.

So that’s oral sex and then anal sex, same, you know, kind of definition. Sometimes people, when they have sex together, they have something called anal sex. It’s when, um, the person puts their penis and the other person’s anus or their, and their bottom and their, their butthole, depending on who you are.

Again, people agree to do this. It feels good to their bodies. Um, and then you talk about, Oh, I forgot to say this.

You don’t ever have to do any of this, right? So sometimes anal sex is called butt sex. It’s called, again, I’m so sorry. Should have Googled just a second.

Let me go find more slang. Thank you for your patience with me. There’s not much more, I mean, Santorum, remember that? Back door.

There’s not a, there’s not a ton that they’re probably going to hear, but one of the things you do need to be aware of with all of this is that they’re going to hear slang from porn. So if you’re bored, um, go ahead and Google porn slang. Um, I’m not going to go, I’m not going to go that far with you.

Just letting them know again, that this is common. Aso you do need to talk about how, and again, not all in one chunk, like how, when people have anal sex, it’s a way, um, to not get pregnant. And also it’s something that can easily pass STIs.

It’s also a way that people who have two penises have sex with each other. Um, so there needs to be a little more education around it. In general, when we’re doing the slang thing, um, you need to just be pretty clear and specific about it.

It’s not funny. Well, I actually Googled on a thesaurus and there were so many things I’m like, oh my God. I mean, it’s slang for people that do it, right.

Butt pirates – -hat kind of thing. So anyway – corn holing, anyway, that’s just part of it. And then if you want to go further, you can talk about rimming.

That’s when somebody, you know, does licking and stuff on the anus, but no parts in there. Um, so there you go. Um, that’s that.

So what else do I need to talk about? Oh fuck. Oh fuck. When Milo was like, I don’t know how old he was like six, we were walking home from school and I was like, how’d your day go? And he’s like, pretty good.

He says he was on the playground and underneath the slide, there was this word. I think it was “Foo-awk.” I said, yeah, I think that’s the word fuck. Some older kids must’ve written that.

And I said, uh, do you know what it means? And he’s like, no. And I said, well, fuck is a, is a really not, excuse me, not, I’m rubbing my nose if you’re listening. Um, it’s a really not nice way to talk about people having sex.

I said that it’s definitely not a kid word, but also people use it, um, as an adjective, an adverb, a verb. I, I, I was a little more descriptive. Um, but people use it, they say it when they’re mad.

They use it to describe things sometimes like they had a really fucking hard day. And so I gave him some examples and so we had this nice chill talk. Um, so I said, I did say to him, you know, you know, this word, but I just gotta let you know that it’s a grown-up word.

And if you say it in front of other grownups, like they might really get freak out and get mad, not me, but just, you know, just, I just want you to know that. And Milo’s really, or was, he’s really private. So I don’t, the most he did was probably tell his best friends.

And then what I didn’t say was you’ve heard the word fuck your entire life. I say that constantly. I tried not to for a really long time and then, you know, I just gave it up.

So, talking about words like that, uh, you know, and, you know, and shit and all that, but really the slang words for around sex and sexuality. Okay. I feel like I’ve talked a lot.

I don’t know how helpful I’ve been. But my seed here is that you have to talk about this with your kids, especially your neurodivergent kids, because they’re going to hear this. They need to know what it means.

They need some guidelines around it, and we need to keep them in a space where they can talk with you and communicate with you. And you’re communicating with them to make sure that they’re safe. If you’ve got an impulsive kid and they have been hanging out with their friends and talking about, Oh, muff diving, they’re talking about, ah, you’re welcome.

Muff diving. And they’re joking about muff diving. And then your kid is with some other folks and maybe other kids in front of other adults and says this muff diving thing, how is it going for you? And adults will completely overreact and not look at the whole picture.

They may not be thinking, Oh, this kid’s autistic. Oh, they have a new word. Oh, they’re making a mistake about when and how we talk about that.

Right. They could go all the way to big trouble anyway.

If you’re interested in learning more from me, my newsletter is the kind of the best way to do that.

I’m sort of active on social media, it’s @birdsbeeskids. Lots of stuff here on YouTube. And then old episodes of podcasts.

Good luck. If you have something you want me to talk about, please email me, Amy@birdsandbeesandkids.com. Feel free to share this because your friends need to have the same language, right? When they’re talking with their kids. A

Transcribed by TurboScribe.ai

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