Hi Amy,
My 9-year-old daughter is very curious about sex. I have been having conversations with her about it for several years now. We have several books that talk about how natural it is and explains everything. When I was growing up, I basically got my information from my friends, and I don’t want that to be her source as well. I want to be able to have very open communication with her so she can feel free to come to me with any questions.
My concern is – is there a point where giving information can be too much information for her age group? I know that kids are already talking about sex at school – how you can do it, etc.
I follow your information on Facebook and I receive your emails as well. I want to be sure that I am giving age appropriate information, but also informing her well so she is able to make decisions for herself.
This email basically stems from her asking me if sex only feels good when you are with the right person, a person you love. I did tell her that it feels good with my current husband, but with her dad, my previous husband it never felt right. She was also curious about different positions. If the girl is on top, or if the guy is. I didn’t go into details with that too much I think. I simply told her that it is whatever feels right for the both of you, and there are many different ways to have sex. It depends on how adventurous the couple is.
I just want reassurance I am not giving too much information, but that answering questions like that is okay. I never talked to my parents about sex, ever, so I’m just simply not sure.
I appreciate your help!
Mom to very curious 9 year old.
Hi! Thanks for the email. You are doing a great job with your curious gal and the short answer to your question is that it’s really hard for most of us to give our kids TMI. This is because of the ways we learned (or didn’t) about sex.
When it comes to the “facts” part of all this – how it works, pleasure, puberty, relationships, gender etc. – let the books I recommend take the lead. Robie Harris is right on the mark in It’s So Amazing.
With regard to your own sex life, most kids really don’t want any more info than what you said to her. Brief, kind, acknowledging it should feel good and a big part of that is being with the right partner. Excellent work there…
Her curiosity about positions probably stems from what she’s hearing from her peers. Some have definitely seen porn and this can fuel their thoughts and perceptions about sex – trying to make sense of the positions.
Your gal may also just be smart enough to think about who does what and how. But I would be money on the porn thing because this seems a little out of age-range to me.
You do need to check in with her and ask if she’s seen any “sex stuff” on the internet – and that she won’t be in trouble if she has. Also ask if any of her friends have – same thing – she won’t be in trouble if she tells you.
Get the book Good Pictures Bad Pictures to help with the porn conversation. It’s great.
If you if you don’t have monitoring and parental controls installed on ALL of your devices, it’s time. Circle is great.
You’ve got this!
Amy
