Mom Needs to Know How to Guide Kiddo with Asperger’s Freaked Out By School Puberty Talk
Hey Amy! I am a teacher and have a kiddo who is on the spectrum (more Asperger’s than Autistic) and just had the puberty talk at school for the first time. They had a complete meltdown complete with tears after the puberty talk and are really having a hard time with this.
I gave Mom your contact info in hopes that you might have some resources for her to help her talk to her child about this stuff. Mom told me she didn’t know how to have the conversation because she hadn’t experienced it in the “typical” way.
If you have any suggestions of things I can recommend to her if she doesn’t reach out, please let me know. She is thinking about the sexuality class at Children’s Hosptial but that might be too much for this particular child at this point.
~ Ms. Jones, Teacher
There Are Great Resources For Mom Out There
Hi Ms. Jones!
From what I understand, it’s fairly common for kids on the Asperger’s and Autism spectrum to freak out about the puberty talk. I suspect it’s because the idea of the body changes can be very overwhelming, especially for girls. #Periods.
Mom may have been sexually abused, hence her “not typical” introduction to puberty and sexuality, and extreme discomfort with talking to her child. Couple this with the kiddo’s freak out and I’m betting she’s even more uncomfortable talking to her child.
Many adults see these kids as “forever children” and don’t see the need for talking to them about sexuality, because, they will never have sex because they aren’t going to be interested and/or capable. This is wrongheaded – everyone is sexual! And everyone goes through puberty! But because of the “forever children” thing, parents tend to avoid or make light of this real and important part of child development.
Children who are on the spectrum can be at higher risk for sexual abuse.
This makes it very important they know about sexuality, puberty, and how pregnancy happens. It protects them to know about this part of life and for them to have a trustworthy adult (like you!) who is willing to talk to them.
With regard to mom taking them to the Children’s Hospital puberty classes. I think this would be a big mistake. The child is already wigged out and being in a room of 150 strangers learning about this again would not be a fun time. You can download and share this handout about talking with kids with disabilities about sex.
I would suggest she get her boy a book about puberty (The Girls’ or Boys’ Body Books are great). She should tell them that it’s normal to feel weird and freaked out about this, lots of kids do. She should also apologize for not telling them about this part of life sooner.
Also, It’s SO Amazing is a great resource for kids with autism or Asperger’s. It covers the sex part of things in a matter of fact and fun way. The book features little bird and bee characters, one of whom is totally grossed out by all the sex things, including puberty.
Advise her to introduce the books one at a time and keep things really chill. If Mom acts like there is something wrong (with puberty, freaking out or any of it) they will not be able to calm down about this change of life.
Finally, if Mom really cannot handle this, get permission from her to chat with the child yourself, or have the school counselor help them learn about this. Someone needs to make sure this child feels as good as they can about what’s coming.
You’ve got this!
Amy
