I am an avid Savage Love Podcast listener and I have learned so much about humans and sexuality from his callers and his excellent, spot-on advice. I was listening to Episode 428 and a 20-something married woman called in because she can’t have an orgasm when she has vaginal sex with her husband. 
She said that sometimes he tries to get her off with his hand and mouth, but it’s only worked a couple of times. It has become a “thing” and now and they can’t talk about it. She’s frustrated and he’s being a kind of a dick about it when it does come up. Dan’s response was great – you can listen to it for yourself – he suggests getting a vibrator into the mix and a couple of other things.
This call got me thinking. First of all, everyone on the planet needs to know only a small percentage of women have orgasms from vaginal intercourse. We usually need clitoral stimulation to get off. The vag isn’t an orgasm machine – that’s the one and only job of the clitoris! Three cheers for the clitoris, your personal orgasm machine!
This notion of “hands free” orgasm is kind of a myth. A myth that makes sex considerably more complicated and frustrating than it needs to be. I think everyone who’s ever had P in V sex knows this – but we press on, many of us, thinking it will magically happen. Sometimes it does, but more frequently, it doesn’t.
What if every girl was encouraged to learn about her own body and her very own orgasm machine? What if every girl was empowered to masturbate so she could enjoy one of the best feelings in the world whenever she wanted to? What if every girl knew that the easiest way to get off is to touch herself – and here’s the clincher – even when she’s with another person who has their tally-wacker in her hoo-ha?
I think girls should know that it’s a-okay and a turn-on to touch themselves when they are with their partner. And they should also know that if their partner has a problem with this, their partner is an asshole and isn’t worth a minute more of their time and energy.
