An article for parents of girls AND boys
By Melanie Miller, M.Ed.
Elementary School Counselor and Positive Discipline Parent Educator
I’m sure you’ve all seen them…those sequin shirts with all their glitter, dazzle and fun to touch sequins. It’s no wonder just about every little girl would love to have one. How fun it is to play with sequins and move them up and down and create a different picture with each swoosh of a hand.
What a great idea, until I saw girls’ confused faces as their peers began touching their shirt in an area that they knew was private. The looks, the flinch, the pulling back, all behaviors that told me “this is uncomfortable, I don’t like this, but I don’t know what to do about it”.
I began to loathe these shirts and shudder each time I saw a new girl proudly displaying her beautiful and cool shirt.
It sunk in quickly that this was not OK and when I saw the touching I spoke up. Telling the girl “It’s OK, you can say “no, don’t touch” or reminding students about their space bubble, or perhaps reminding boys it was not OK to touch another person without his or her permission.
Then, this morning, I’m reading the Seattle Times article “What does consent mean? 250 readers told us”, January 21, 2018. Forty percent of the women in the article didn’t learn about consent until they were adults. And often, it was too late. They had already had personal experiences where consent was lacking.
After reading the article I realize how confusing the concept of consent can be, and how much discussion, education and listening is needed for our children to begin to understand it. The article reports that health teachers and sexual assault prevention advocates say that conversations about consent should start in elementary school. Topics like whether it’s OK to hug someone and the difference between wanted and unwanted touching.
And there it is!… unwanted touching when it comes to sequin shirts, an opportunity for parents to start the conversation. And, if you’re the parent of a boy, it’s time to start the conversation with him too. He can learn that no matter how tempting those sequins are, if a girl pulls back, pushes his hand away, looks uncomfortable, suddenly stops talking or laughing, his touch is not OK.
The article ends with a quote from Claire Carey, a respondent to the survey, “I feel certain that the numbers on sexual assault and rape, as large as they are, are just scratching the surface. It’s built into our culture to ignore people’s personal agency, especially when it comes to sexuality and personal touch. The only way to combat that is through education.”
OK parents and caregivers, start the conversation! Educate and empower our children to take control of their bodies! And if sequin shirts are a part of your community, what a great place to start!
