A few months ago I sent out an email with a snappy comeback your sons (and daughters) can use to refuse looking at porn with their pals. Do yourself a favor and please accept the fact that it is very highly likely this will happen to your child. It’s important to offer them some guidance before it happens.
One of my readers was not thrilled with my suggestion and so she emailed me her ideas. Here is her response because it is better than mine.
From NP:
I have been reading your e mails for nearly a year and have appreciated your insights, so, thank you for that. However, it is never okay to use a marginalized, discriminated against, bullied, often abused segment of society, and “throw them under the bus” as you said, in order to protect our own children. There are millions of ways to address being offered porn, and being called gay, that do not further perpetuate the suffering of gay people, especially teens.
I am very disappointed that you would recommend that parents teach their children to engage in this sort of speech. I’m shocked actually. It is never okay. . . not even a tiny bit okay to talk about being gay or same sex activity, as bad.
A seemingly mild homophobic comment could hurt a long-term friendship, or make it tricky to talk openly with others and us.
Here are my suggestions:
“Dude. I think looking at porn is a solo activity.”
And when that kid says something about your kid being gay or whatnot, your child can say:
” Dude. Being gay isn’t the issue here. It’s you asking me to look at porn with you, and that’s not something I want to do.”
OR
“Listen, if you want to look at porn, you’re going to have to do it on your own. It’s weird to look at porn with friends. That has nothing to do with anyone being gay.”
Please talk to your kids about porn. I know you don’t want to, but you need to and the sooner the better – they need to know what it is and how to say no before it’s too late.
