How do I teach consent to a preschool boy who loves kissing girls?
Hi Amy!
I have a little guy, age 5, in my preschool class who insists on kissing little girls without their consent. We have had talks with him time after time to try to help him stop and change his behavior. We have had conferences with his parents, who are very cooperative and concerned, however they are not very good with following through.
The question is – how do we teach boundaries and consent to this little guy who insists that his friends kiss him any chance he gets. He will hide to do it and we are worried that the he is at risk for hurting someone. And that the girls are learning that it’s okay to be forced to kiss someone.
Ideas?
~ Concerned About Preschooler Consent
Teaching consent to a preschooler is super easy!
Hey Concerned!
My guess is that he is getting A LOT of attention for this kissing behavior and in his mind, this is a great reason for him to keep it up. Preschoolers aren’t sophisticated thinkers and they love any kind of attention – even negative attention. Obviously, this behavior needs to stop because it puts him at risk for being labeled (wrongly) a child molester and the girls at higher risk for boundary violation by other people.
You can easily teach consent to preschoolers by reading the book It’s MY Body to the class as a whole and have them practice “asking first” before they touch someone. Preschoolers love role playing and when they practice saying “no” it’s very empowering to them.
Role Play, Practice, Repeat as Needed
Have them practice with high-fives and fist bumps. Make sure the kids practice consent and say “yes” and then practice not consenting by saying “no” to the fist bump or high-five. The “no” needs to be respected. Then make it a “rule” that everyone always “asks first” before touching and if someone says “no” then that’s the answer.
Also, remind everyone that “it’s not okay or safe” to play kissing games (cuz germs) and privates are private and not for sharing.
I would remind your staff to keep it really low key and calm when they redirect and correct his behavior. The parents, too. You might try assigning someone to him to keep an extra eye on him so he doesn’t have opportunities to kiss anyone. This duty would get handed around from staff person to staff person every hour or two.
Of course, the teachers and parents need to model consent by asking first before they touch kids as well, as often as they can. Sometimes you must touch a child without consent, but you’d be surprised at how often you can ask first.
If he cannot seem to stop, he may need a “tune up” with a therapist that specializes in sexual behavior in children. Check out RAINN.org for a referral in your area.
You’ve got this!
~Amy
