By Caroline Goodell
Lindsey, a new student at her high school, naturally wanted to be “in” with the other students. Walking to an off-campus drama class, Lindsey conversed with Taryn, a popular girl.
Taryn asked Lindsey if she smoked marijuana. “No,” Lindsey responded. Taryn said, “We’re gonna go and smoke before class. You seem cool. If you wanna join us, come on.” According to Lindsey, Taryn was “cool,” and a girl Lindsey wanted acceptance from.
But Lindsey noticed, as she considered Taryn’s offer, that she felt kind of anxious. Lindsey told Taryn, “No, I have something I need to do.” She said later, “I felt uneasy in my stomach. I felt myself tighten up, like my body was physically going on guard.”
Fortunately, Lindsey was raised to notice the signals in her body– and to trust them. You can teach your children to pay attention to and trust the signals in their bodies so that when they are in situations without you, their instincts will be intact, and they will make positive choices.
Kinesthetic (or body) awareness can be introduced at any age. In infancy, you support kinesthetic awareness when you hold your baby, and provide safe, pleasurable experiences.
To help toddlers and preschoolers tune in to their bodies, play games such as “Freeze!” Once your child “freezes,” ask her to tell you, without looking, something about her body position, for example, whether her elbows are bent or straight.
With a preschooler, you can talk about what different emotions feel like in her body, and where she feels them. Of course it is very helpful to be able to tell your child where you feel emotions, in your body.
With an older child, introduce kinesthetic awareness at a time when your child is relaxed. Ask your child, “Have you ever noticed that you actually feel your emotions in your body?”
“Do you remember what it felt like when you and Cara were mad at each other? Can you tell that your body feels differently now that you’ve made up?” Then, when a more difficult situation occurs, the subject of body awareness will be familiar.
When 6-year-old Evan came home from school, his mother, Cheryl, could tell something was wrong. At bedtime, as Cheryl was settling down to read him a story, Evan admitted that he had told his class a terrible story about his family that wasn’t true.
As they talked about what happened, Cheryl asked how Evan’s body felt as a result. “Bad,” he said. “It feels bad. Right here,” and pointed to his solar plexus. “Yes,” agreed Cheryl, “It feels really bad to tell a lie.”
When Evan made amends, Cheryl brought his attention again to what his body felt like now that he had told the truth. “Better!” Evan reported. “Much better.”
By underlining the comparison for Evan, Cheryl brought attention to the role the body plays in choices her child makes. When he told a lie, his body felt bad. When he told the truth, his body felt good.
This is a comparison that Evan will build on throughout his childhood – particularly if this type of comparison is repeated often. When Evan is confronted with difficult situations such as peer pressure to engage in risky behavior, he will have many kinesthetic experiences to draw on. It is an invaluable skill that will help him to make better choices in the future.
Caroline Goodell is the creator of Kinesthetic Parenting and Director of the Institute for Body Awareness in Seattle.
