Children engage in sexual behavior from birth until, well, the rest of their lives. Even though we expect kids to engage in some completely normal sexual behaviors like playing doctor or checking out other kids privates out of curiosity, it is very important adults kindly and gently stop the sexual behavior.
When you redirect the behavior you are teaching young children consent. It is important to talk about body boundaries because this is how you can plant the seeds of sexual consent without actually talking about sex.
Because playing doctor and these kinds of sexual games are developmentally normal people often ask me if they should stop the behavior. The short answer is yes.
Some of the reasons to stop healthy normal sexual behavior between children:
If the behavior is allowed to continue it can become a problem. The game can feel good, be silly and sometimes increase frequency and become more and more adult-like. Remember, kids see playing doctor and sexual games as something fun and don’t know there is anything wrong when they play this way.
As they get older they become more aware that kissing games, for example, feel good sometimes they feel some embarrassment, confusion and shame about it. This is the last thing most of us want kids to feel about any kind of sexual behavior. Talking about consent, boundaries and waiting until they are older for sexual behaviors is super important.
It prevents sexual abuse. If a 5-year-old boy has “penis parties” with his same-age best friend and isn’t corrected, he will be more likely to have a “penis party” with Uncle Creepy, because it’s a fun game he plays with his friend, so why not play with Uncle Creepy?
If they doesn’t know “penis parties” are not okay, they may be more likely force other kids to play sexualized games. Consent is a two way street and every child needs to understand that it’s not okay for someone to touch their privates and it’s not okay for them to touch someone else’s privates.
These are the main reasons it’s important to redirect children’s sexual behaviors – it’s all about teaching and planting the seeds of safety, consent and healthy sexual and romantic relationships…someday.
Need more information? Check out my Solution Center or Training for Professionals.
