Think back for a moment. Remember when you were a young adolescent and had crushes, urges, surges and strong feelings of desire? What did you think when this was going on? Did you even know what was going on?
Understanding how their bodies work can go a long way to helping tweens and teens navigate their relationships. 
Even those relationships that are mostly in their heads. You probably recall how fun and titillating these crush relationships were. They were also confusing. And let’s not even get started on those early romances – yikes! So many emotions, thoughts, and physical feelings are experienced that it can be really overwhelming to navigate. What’s a parent to do, given all of this?
One place to start is to explain to your kids, sooner, rather than later, that they will someday, most likely, experience a feeling in their body that is called “desire” or “sexual desire.” And can start as young as ten – hence the boner. Girls get them too, they are just teeny-tiny. It feels like a strong wave or urge and it can feel good! And overwhelming, and maybe even confusing. Let your kids know that this is normal and it’s happening because the hormones in their body are doing their work of getting them ready for adulthood and sex.
The next step is to provide them with some ideas of things they can do, other than actually have sex, to help them manage these feelings. You can suggest things like exercise, writing in a journal, or masturbating.
If they are in a relationship, make sure they understand that it’s harder to say no when they are hot and heavy in the moment. They’ll need to think about how they can slow things down or get out of the moment if they aren’t ready for sex just yet. Talking about sexual desire is just one place to start. This can be a stepping off point to discussing pressure, respect, responsibility and dating rules.
