My first grader was sexually harassed on the playground. Help!
Hey Amy! My six-year-old daughter’s teacher called me today to let me know my child was sexually harassed on the playground by a boy.
He was saying “roses are red pickles are green I like your legs and what’s in between”. My daughter was in a funk about this when she got home and seemed quite upset.
Her teacher tried to explain to her that that was unacceptable and disrespectful to talk to her this way, but she continued to be upset about it – as she rightfully should be. I am wondering how I should approach talking to her about this so that she knows how to stand up for herself when she’s uncomfortable and being disrespected. Any tips are welcome. Thank you!
~ Carly, Mama of Six-Year-Old Girl
“Sexual Harassment” is not a thing with first graders!
Hi Carly! I am so sorry your child experienced “sexual harassment” on the playground. I am sure you have noted that I put the phrase sexual harassment in quotes. This is because I don’t believe what he did was sexual harassment, per say.
When children engage in this sort of teasing, it’s really sexual bullying. Sexual harassment usually occurs between teens and adults with some kind of power differential (socially powerful teen to teen; boss and employee; coach and player). The harasser knows what they are doing and does it to exert some sort of power and control over the other person using this as the tool.
When young kids bully or tease other kids about their private parts, crushes, early dating, etc., it’s a kind of bullying. It’s not child sexual harassment because that’s not really a thing, especially at this young age.
Get a book about bodies and boundaries for your daughter (and the teacher)
I would get a copy of I Can Play It Safe for her and for her teacher. It’s a great book about boundaries, being safe and being a good friend. The teacher should be strongly encouraged read it to the class.
For your daughter, tell her that he made a mistake, that he probably didn’t really understand that what he was saying was mean or hurtful. He thought it was funny or weird and he didn’t know that it’s not okay or safe to tease people about private parts.
Let her know that when this happens, she can and should say, “Stop it! I don’t like that!” and walk away. Then she needs to tell an adult, like you her teacher, because she might need a little help and the other kid may need help as well.
I would role play it with her (or if you have another kiddo, they can practice together).
Stop using big words like inappropriate, disrespectful and unacceptable with kids
It’s highly likely that your daughter doesn’t truly understand what “inappropriate”, “disrespectful” and “unacceptable” mean. These words are big and kinda scary. Re-frame for her and tell her what he said was “not okay and made you feel bad.” This she will understand. 😉
And finally, finally, let her know that what happened is not her fault at all. She didn’t do anything to make him say these things to her – he just did. He was bullying her and this is never okay. If she’s still distressed in a week or so, I’d have her spend a little time with the school counselor to walk through some of this – they deal with this kind of thing all the time.
You’ve got this!
~ Amy
